Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
