How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
