i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
