Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
