Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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