this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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