Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
