do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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