I am midnight drunk by noon
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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