It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
We got so high we made milksteak
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
