wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Randomize
