Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
