I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My dick has a subreddit
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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