Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
