im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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