: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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