I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
