he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
