I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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