have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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