Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
