fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
