i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
