I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
