Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
