The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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