I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We're too hungover to prance.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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