So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
