I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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