Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
