Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
