well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
