Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
