she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
