dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
