He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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