I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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