everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
