I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
