in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
