i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
