I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
