3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
