dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
