I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
