wrigley field is MILF paradise
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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