I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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