remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
