so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
