my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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