I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
