If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize