i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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