I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
