Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So much Jack, so little girl.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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