what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He? As in you personified your dick?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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