If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
