you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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