the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
