Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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