Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
