and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
