i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize