his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
