Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize